Ah, Spring! It's that time of the year again. Trees bud, snow disappears and up north club-wielding hunters bash out the brains of baby seals. The Old Hack has seen the seal hunt up close and while it may be bloody, he supports it. "Ever spend any time in a slaughter house to see where your Quarter Pounders come from?" he wonders. "The only real difference on the ice is that there are no walls but lots of TV cameras. And Brigitte Bardot." We realize this is not the forum to debate the topic but it is the place to offer our favorite baby seal joke:"This baby seal walks into a club..."
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Baby seal goes into a bar, the Barman says "What'll it be?".
The seal replies "Anything but Canadian Club on the rocks!"
--Creepy Internet Guy
Who the hell wrote that crap about baby seals and “Canadian Club On The Rocks. This is Johnny Canuck and I’m here on the Magdalene Island 1500 miles north of Montreal and the home of Canadian Club’s baby seal headquarters. Why am I here you ask? Answer, I just flew to club a few of the best. Today we clubbed 50 of the most beautiful, best looking seal pups we’ve ever laid eyes on. Oh they’re so cute. They’re eyes so big so innocent. All playful, happily running around trying to catch my special eatable Frisbees. And get this, before we clubbed them we gave them each a bowl of IAMS Seal Food made from my own organic kelp recipe unique to the Magdalene’s. Just so you know after we killed them, they were quickly skinned (so we don’t damage the fur) and we sent remains via Aeroflot to Vladimir’s dacha. He likes young seal soup with a touch of garlic (God, how can he mix in the garlic – it’s a killer on taste). The furs? They were pre ordered from the White House going for Michelle’s next outfit. Remember, don’t mix with Johnny and Bon Chance.
--Johnny Canuck
What do you think that Canadian guy is smoking? Besides baby seals, I mean?
Man, in my opinion, he's had too much muk-tuk,
--Kenny, Safeway's Cart Manager
I met a Canadian once.
Hated him.
Loved his wife.
--Bi-Polar Guy
Wasn't that Deifenbaker guy part Canadian? And that Farley guy who wrote about wolves or beavers or moose or whatever? Pretty sure he made it all up, anyway. Don't hear much about Canada these days; wonder why?
Wish I was more interested in the place but I can't get Inuit.
Get it?
--Special Needs Guy
"Hurow, to all mes Americane amis. I hoove just one word for youse: Poutine."
--Just A Little Guy from Shaunningannneannnnnnnnnn
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